January 13, 2013

Birds sing. Bees sting. I have MS.

I have MS.  It's a fact of life.  Birds sing.  Bees sting.  I have MS.

There are several types of MS.  Fortunately mine is a type that is normally pretty quiet.

I treat my illness with what is called a "disease modifying drug".  

The drug requires I take injections three times a week.  

The injections themselves are not painful.  

The medication entering my body hurts like the dickens.  

It's a short-lived pain so I count myself lucky.  

I must admit though that during the short-lived times I have been known to curse like a sailor.

There's really nothing nice that can be said about MS.  

It is a brutal disease that lurks in the crevices of the body just waiting to show its ugly head.

It affects each of its victims differently.  

Some are luckier than others.

I myself am one of the lucky ones.

I am aware of this.

However, when it does show itself the results can be devastating.

Or somewhat of an inconvenience.

Or somewhere in between.  

You just never know.

My disease is currently active but by looking at me you wouldn't know.

Recent MRI's show no new lesions.

But inside; inside my body is telling the tale. 

Because of existing damage; or possibly a new lesion too small to be seen by MRI, the disease is currently having its way with me.

It causes me to be weak and sometimes feel like I'm walking in quick sand.

It causes me to stumble and sometimes fall.

It causes me to ache deep inside.

To be unsteady, dizzy and sometimes a little confused.

It causes me to lose control.

I must admit that's the hard part.  Let's be honest.  We all want control.  Especially of our own body.

I remind myself every day; sometimes more often than once, how lucky I am.

After all, I have a disease that can be somewhat controlled by medication.

I am mobile and can walk.

I have my eye site.

My pain is manageable.

I could not ask for a more caring or understanding husband.

The list goes on and on.

It's a fact.  I am blessed beyond measure.

Unfortunately there are those brief moments when all that flies out the window and I want and need to wallow in my frustration.

Times like now when I take a few minutes and allow my fingers to fly; fast and furious, spilling my heart to myself and to the semi-anonymity of the blog world.

Sure, a few people I know will read this.  Hopefully they will allow me my few minutes of self pity and love me anyway.

What is more important is that maybe someone else who is experiencing their own difficult time will stumble upon my little pity party and realize they are not alone.

Truth is - we all have difficult times.  We all have our own burdens to bare.

They may not be brought on by illness.  They could brought on by the loss of a job, a troubled marriage or even a disappointment.

Difficult times are a part of life and sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to take a few minutes and wallow in them.

But only a few minutes.  That's right; allow yourself a short pity party then get up, dust yourself off and get on with it.

Identify something that gives your spirit a pick-me-up and do it.

Take a walk, pray, cook, lose yourself in music or like me spill your heart on paper.

In the time it has taken me to write these words my burden feels a little lighter.

There are no new revelations here but having an outlet to express myself brightens my heart, clears my mind and brings all my blessings to the light.

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