January 31, 2013

These Three Guys...

These three guys...are amongst my heroes. 

January 25, 2013

The wagon...

I fell off the wagon over the holidays but I'm crawling back on.

Right before Thanksgiving I was down 12.9 pounds.

Unfortunately between the holidays and stressful days I have put some of that back on (dang my love of cornbread dressing, hoe cakes and brownies!).

So, here we go again; I'm dragging myself up and back on that wagon.

Next stop:  the gym.

January 15, 2013

For all time...

January 15, 2012 - Today I lost one of the most influential people in my life.  My heart has been bound to hers since the day I was born and will remain so for all time.  Godspeed Grommie.  What I'd give to share just one more eskimo kiss with you.

Repost from January 2011.

A Letter To My Grandmother On The Occasion Of Her 90th Birthday...

Happy, happy birthday to my Grandmoma, my Granny Hot-Rod, my Grommie and my friend. Throughout my life you have been a constant source of support and an inspiration. I was your first Grandchild - and a girl for you to love after raising those boys.  

Our hearts were immediately bound together.

My life has been filled with fabulous Grandmoma times; trips to Seven Seas, Lion Country Safari and Six Flags. 

Waking up all snug and happy at your house on summer mornings to a special breakfast of fried eggs, sausage patties and your fabulous homemade chocolate milk. 

And oh how I loved sharing “eskimo kisses” with you.  They were the best.

Those lazy summer days we spent in Granbury with Ma Maw and Pa Paw playing on the lake swimming and fishing. Being a kid with you was fun!

Then I became a teen-ager and even though I was a silly young-girl you always listened to me and treated me as if whatever drama was going on in my life at the time were important.

I am so thankful for the time time we spent together after Jim’s accident. As difficult as that time was it gave us the opportunity to share our hearts with one another in a way we never had before. I can remember sitting in the living room sharing stories of joy and heartbreak and getting to know you through the eyes of a adult rather those of a child. That experience brought us even closer and bound our hearts even tighter.

And, of course, let’s not forget a few years later when you took not only me but my shaggy dog in to your home. You not only fed and cared for both of us but loved us when we were very often difficult to love. During that time I experienced a broken heart and you supported me, shared my tears and helped me heal.

The years since then have passed so quickly. As a family we have celebrated new lives and been forced to say goodbye as other lives have ended. We have experienced incredible joy and unthinkable sorrow along the way and through it all our hearts remain firmly bound to one another. For this I say thank you. Thank you for loving me and for allowing me to share this special bond with you. The influence your love has had on my life lives firmly inside my heart - as does my love for you.

January 13, 2013

Birds sing. Bees sting. I have MS.

I have MS.  It's a fact of life.  Birds sing.  Bees sting.  I have MS.

There are several types of MS.  Fortunately mine is a type that is normally pretty quiet.

I treat my illness with what is called a "disease modifying drug".  

The drug requires I take injections three times a week.  

The injections themselves are not painful.  

The medication entering my body hurts like the dickens.  

It's a short-lived pain so I count myself lucky.  

I must admit though that during the short-lived times I have been known to curse like a sailor.

There's really nothing nice that can be said about MS.  

It is a brutal disease that lurks in the crevices of the body just waiting to show its ugly head.

It affects each of its victims differently.  

Some are luckier than others.

I myself am one of the lucky ones.

I am aware of this.

However, when it does show itself the results can be devastating.

Or somewhat of an inconvenience.

Or somewhere in between.  

You just never know.

My disease is currently active but by looking at me you wouldn't know.

Recent MRI's show no new lesions.

But inside; inside my body is telling the tale. 

Because of existing damage; or possibly a new lesion too small to be seen by MRI, the disease is currently having its way with me.

It causes me to be weak and sometimes feel like I'm walking in quick sand.

It causes me to stumble and sometimes fall.

It causes me to ache deep inside.

To be unsteady, dizzy and sometimes a little confused.

It causes me to lose control.

I must admit that's the hard part.  Let's be honest.  We all want control.  Especially of our own body.

I remind myself every day; sometimes more often than once, how lucky I am.

After all, I have a disease that can be somewhat controlled by medication.

I am mobile and can walk.

I have my eye site.

My pain is manageable.

I could not ask for a more caring or understanding husband.

The list goes on and on.

It's a fact.  I am blessed beyond measure.

Unfortunately there are those brief moments when all that flies out the window and I want and need to wallow in my frustration.

Times like now when I take a few minutes and allow my fingers to fly; fast and furious, spilling my heart to myself and to the semi-anonymity of the blog world.

Sure, a few people I know will read this.  Hopefully they will allow me my few minutes of self pity and love me anyway.

What is more important is that maybe someone else who is experiencing their own difficult time will stumble upon my little pity party and realize they are not alone.

Truth is - we all have difficult times.  We all have our own burdens to bare.

They may not be brought on by illness.  They could brought on by the loss of a job, a troubled marriage or even a disappointment.

Difficult times are a part of life and sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to take a few minutes and wallow in them.

But only a few minutes.  That's right; allow yourself a short pity party then get up, dust yourself off and get on with it.

Identify something that gives your spirit a pick-me-up and do it.

Take a walk, pray, cook, lose yourself in music or like me spill your heart on paper.

In the time it has taken me to write these words my burden feels a little lighter.

There are no new revelations here but having an outlet to express myself brightens my heart, clears my mind and brings all my blessings to the light.

January 9, 2013

Knit 1, Purl 1...

Knitting intrigues me.  I have a genuine desire to become a knitter.  Hand knit items are so personal and rustic; so earthy.  Each stitch seems to be filled with love.

A couple of months ago I took a knitting class for beginners at my local craft store.  I went in to the class with the thought that I would be a natural born knitter if for no other reason than at one time I was a voracious crocheter.  I came away from the class with nothing but a headache, a ball of yarn that had been ripped and stretched ten too many times and a pair of needles.

That night I spent hours watching and re-watching YouTube tutorials working to perfect the basic knit and purl stitch.  I have spent countless hours since practicing, ripping out and practicing again.  I honestly cannot believe how difficult a time I've had learning to knit.  However, I'm back at it again today.

I dream of creating something like this...

Or maybe this...

Or I can even dream of this...

Instead I have something similar to this...

So, as they say, practice makes perfect.  I'll keep knitting and purling but I really want to know from someone who knows; should it really be this dang hard?

January 1, 2013

Full Of Possibility - A Repost

Welcome 2013 - Full Of Possibility.

 In Memory...

Well, it's almost that time. Time to close out this year and welcome a new one. The time of year when some folks reflect back on the previous three-hundred-sixty-five days with pleasure, some with disappointment and then there are some who don't give it much thought at all.

Some set resolutions.

Resolution...to resolve.

Do you set resolutions?

I can honestly say I don't recall ever setting one. Probably because I know me and I know that I am more likely than not to break it.

What is it about a new year that causes one to make resolutions?

Better yet, what is it about a new year that causes some to acutely analyze the previous 365 days? We sure don't put that much stock in a week or a month.

So why do we put so much focus on a year? I don't have the answer but for whatever reason the summation of 365 days gets a lot of attention from some people.

I once had a dear friend who told me each year on December 31st that the new year had to be better than the last because the last was the worst year of her life.

I never understood her fascination with those cumulative days - the year.

Each new year was a daunting thing to her - so daunting that one January day she took her own life.

A few days from now will mark the 23rd anniversary of her passing. There were no words then and are no words now to describe the devastation brought on by her actions. She had an illness... and as her illness progressed she became unable to see past each day... and although there had been many happy days in her past she could no longer see them in the rear view mirror... she saw no joy in yesterday and no hope in tomorrow... and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't help her to see.

I don't know for sure but I'd say there aren't many days that slip by me that I don't think of her. And it might sound odd but when I do think of her it is no longer with sadness for my rear view mirror does work and I can clearly see our happy days. I also clearly see tomorrow and know that there is a great big world out there just waiting for me.

Yes, a new year is on the horizon... there will be no resolutions from me... there will also be no looking back regretting what might have been... Her memory reminds me to live my life one day at a time... I will say my prayers and try to make each day the best it can be... and if its not... there will be tomorrow... clear and full of possibility.