Birds sing. Bees sting. I have MS.

I have MS.  It's a fact of life.  Birds sing.  Bees sting.  I have MS.

There are several types of MS.  Fortunately mine is a type that is normally pretty quiet.

I treat my illness with what is called a "disease modifying drug".  

The drug requires I take injections three times a week.  

The injections themselves are not painful.  

The medication entering my body hurts like the dickens.  

It's a short-lived pain so I count myself lucky.  

I must admit though that during the short-lived times I have been known to curse like a sailor.

There's really nothing nice that can be said about MS.  

It is a brutal disease that lurks in the crevices of the body just waiting to show its ugly head.

It affects each of its victims differently.  

Some are luckier than others.

I myself am one of the lucky ones.

I am aware of this.

However, when it does show itself the results can be devastating.

Or somewhat of an inconvenience.

Or somewhere in between.  

You just never know.

My disease is currently active but by looking at me you wouldn't know.

Recent MRI's show no new lesions.

But inside; inside my body is telling the tale. 

Because of existing damage; or possibly a new lesion too small to be seen by MRI, the disease is currently having its way with me.

It causes me to be weak and sometimes feel like I'm walking in quick sand.

It causes me to stumble and sometimes fall.

It causes me to ache deep inside.

To be unsteady, dizzy and sometimes a little confused.

It causes me to lose control.

I must admit that's the hard part.  Let's be honest.  We all want control.  Especially of our own body.

I remind myself every day; sometimes more often than once, how lucky I am.

After all, I have a disease that can be somewhat controlled by medication.

I am mobile and can walk.

I have my eye site.

My pain is manageable.

I could not ask for a more caring or understanding husband.

The list goes on and on.

It's a fact.  I am blessed beyond measure.

Unfortunately there are those brief moments when all that flies out the window and I want and need to wallow in my frustration.

Times like now when I take a few minutes and allow my fingers to fly; fast and furious, spilling my heart to myself and to the semi-anonymity of the blog world.

Sure, a few people I know will read this.  Hopefully they will allow me my few minutes of self pity and love me anyway.

What is more important is that maybe someone else who is experiencing their own difficult time will stumble upon my little pity party and realize they are not alone.

Truth is - we all have difficult times.  We all have our own burdens to bare.

They may not be brought on by illness.  They could brought on by the loss of a job, a troubled marriage or even a disappointment.

Difficult times are a part of life and sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to take a few minutes and wallow in them.

But only a few minutes.  That's right; allow yourself a short pity party then get up, dust yourself off and get on with it.

Identify something that gives your spirit a pick-me-up and do it.

Take a walk, pray, cook, lose yourself in music or like me spill your heart on paper.

In the time it has taken me to write these words my burden feels a little lighter.

There are no new revelations here but having an outlet to express myself brightens my heart, clears my mind and brings all my blessings to the light.

It Doesn't Have Me...

I am one of the approximately 400,000 people in the United States and 2.5 million people world-wide who have been diagnosed by a doctor to have Multiple Sclerosis.

This elite club is not one I ever wished to join but, like it or not, I am now a lifetime member.

I must say that I am one of the club's most fortunate. I live in the United States and therefore have access to fabulous health care. I have a top-notch Neurologist who actually hears what I say. I am able to have an MRI when there are questions about the progress of my disease. I have access to a disease modifying drug that works for me and the most fabulous husband a girl could ever wish for who injects that medication in to my leg every week whether I'm overjoyed by the idea or not.

My MS has been quite for the past three years. Oh sure, on occasion it reminds me that its there with its buzzing and tingling and numbness and burning-pain but I have experienced no blurred or double vision, no blindness, no paralysis or spasticity, no loss of memory or speech issues. If there is such a thing as a blessed MS patient then I'm your girl.

For a few weeks now I have experienced some symptoms that made the doctor question the progress of my illness. He ordered MRI's and within five days I was lying in the tube. (Without getting on my political soap box I will tell you that this would not be an option if I lived in a country where there is socialized medicine.)

As the time for the MRI approached I tried to prepare myself for the results. After all, the likelihood of no new lesions over a three year period seemed pretty remote. I admit that even with my little internal pep talks I was still quiet apprehensive to get the results.

But guess what?

To quote one of my favorite sayings,

"I Have MS - It Doesn't Have Me".

The MRI's show no new lesions on either my brain or my spine and the existing lesions are much improved since the last MRI's.

Thank you Lord! Thank you Avonex! Thank you Senor!

We are fighting the good fight - and we are winning!