October 14, 2009


Let's talk squirrels...you know those cute little guys you see in the park that nibble on nuts, stand on their hind legs and look at you with those sweet brown eyes...so cute....people feed them, ooh and ahhh over them, etc, etc, etc. They scamper around, jumping through trees from limb to limb.

So charming, right?

Well, maybe not.

Let's REALLY talk squirrels...

Did I mention there is a freaking COMMUNE of them living in my front yard? It's fall people and we have three pecan trees out there and those cute little guys - well they believe those trees are THEIRS.

You cannot imagine the dirty looks that can come from those brown eyes. I kid you not the fuzzy little guys can take on the look of a rabid dog when one threatens to get a little too close to what they believe to be home.

And the fruits of those trees - oh no, they belong only to the squirrels.

Did I mention they bury said fruit all over the yard?

Now we're getting to the true root of the problem.

The past six years I have dreamed of having the front beds landscaped. This week that dream came true.

So, so lovely and defined and pretty...exactly what I wanted. (I plan to share photos if the sun will ever shine again.)

So, you can imagine my horror when I looked out and saw not one but MULTIPLE little holes dug in the newly laid mulch.

There was no denying it, the little diggers have begun to bury their treasures in my flower beds.

THIS is war!

I admit I have always enjoyed watching them scamper around the yard and play - as long as they stayed in what I deem their designated play area but, damn it, my flower beds are off limits.

So, here's the facts:

1) I've always thought squirrels were entertaining. I may have been wrong.

2) The Senor works in telecom therefore he has been at war with the squirrels since the beginning of time as they destroy co-ax, fiber and anything else they can gnaw their teeth on. I thought he might have been out of line. I may have been wrong.

3) Last year I watched a squirrel eat every bit of the bird food out of my bird feeder while hanging upside down. At the time I found it irritating but kind of funny. I may have been wrong.

4) Since getting to know the squirrel a little better I'm thinking Carrie Bradshaw may have been right when she said, "A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit".

I've read some theories on how to rid oneself of the squirrel...coffee grounds, red pepper flakes, coyote urine (surely they jest).

If only I lived back in the country - SHOTGUN!

Okay, who am I kidding? I even release spiders to the wild!

Lowe's sales guy, here I come.


S.E. Sward said...

You forgot to mention how they pelt you with acorns from above as you walk past their perch.

Good luck in keeping them out of your new flower beds!

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

The DIY Show Off said...

haha. I enjoyed that (sorry). We have a squirrel mafia here too. I can look out the back door at any given time and see 6-12 in the yard or jumping from tree to tree. Poor dog fears going outside because of acorn bombs. Who knew squirrels could be such chatter bugs too? No peace when sitting out there.

Good luck!


Debby James said...

This really happened: once when I lived in Denver, I was having coffee with a friend at my kitchen table, when one of the little &%#$#% ran in the open window onto the dining table, yanked the lid off the plastic elf-cooky jar and threw it over his shoulder out the window, grabbed a cooky and ran back while we were watching with our mouths hanging open. Billy and I looked at each other, mouths still hanging pen and laughed til we cried.

One Cluttered Brain said...

Cute title for a blog! I HATE shoes too. Have you heard the song S.I.M.P. Squirrels in my pants? It's by Phineus and Ferb some cartoon people on the TV. Search for the song on you-tube. It's a cute song! (At least they are not in your pants...)

Stopping by from SITS. http://oneclutteredbrain.blogspot.com! Stop by and see me some time!

Anonymous said...

My family is the same way with deer at our cottage. We've brainstormed ideas to get rid of them by launching them into the ocean or shipping them to the nearest homeless shelter as a meal.

I hope you're able to deal with them sooner than later. Do squirrels even hibernate in Texas?

Florrie said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog today....I'm here to return the favor.

I am in LOVE with the title of your blog....my toes are claustrophobic too. That's why you may catch me wearing flip flops in the dead of winter. No lie.

As for the squirrels....when I first started to read your post I thought, "Hey....lay off them. They're cute." But then as I read about the pure evil that they are, I quickly changed my tune. I have seen my husband want to lose his ever-lovin' mind over the gophers in our yard, so I can only imagine what a commune of squirrels would do to him. It wouldn't be pretty.

Good luck in the extermination...er...I mean getting rid of them. Have you tried a paint-ball gun????

InspiredDreamer said...

You know, since I live in the city and don't have a flower bed I still think they're super-cute, but I would certainly not be pleased if I had landscaping get torn up. Ah, who am I kidding, I'd still think they were cute. Diabolical maybe, but cute. :)

Meg said...

thanks for stopping by my blog!
i must say, squirrels terrify me with their dartiness and beady eyes. i will cross the road to avoid a squirrel. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation did nothing to help this fear...
i do find them entertaining from a far distance though...too bad they are destroying your flower beds...how annoying!

audreybella said...

My dogs are probably with you on this one. They are so irritated by those squirrels, who seem to know they are doing a great job of annoying them.

How about a pellet gun? Although they might find the pellets and bury those too, huh? We have deer too so no lasting plants or shrubs for us in the front yard.